I’m sitting here in my oversized rocker recliner with my unlit, sparsely decorated Christmas tree behind me, staring at two boxes of wrapped Christmas packages going to two of my children’s homes tomorrow, wondering just where did the joy of Christmas go? This year my front yard is decorated with only six $1.00 lighted candy canes (in green, no less). I can’t tell you how old the wreath on my front door is, but some red berries are cracked and missing, the ribbon is flat and faded, and the flowers have all fallen off. There’s no hand-painted nativity scene made by me in a ceramic shop in 1977 while waiting for the birth of my oldest son on the buffet or a Christmas village on the chest. There’s no garland draped along the doorway adorned with ornaments I’ve collected from places we visited, no Christmas cards taped to the door jam. No internet Christmas cards made or posted and none printed and mailed. This year I visited the mall just one time several days ago. The other gifts were courtesy of Amazon (hey, its 5% cash back if I use their Visa card). Amazon is better than the Sears Christmas Catalog of years gone by.

I’m not singing with the church choir this year. I won’t be at the candlelight Christmas Eve service at church and I’m not having Christmas Day at my house. I intentionally did it this way to give myself a break. I didn’t sing with my church’s choir because I felt it might be too emotional and I wanted to sing with Immanuel’s Boar’s Head choir instead. I decided to let my son have Christmas Day so that I didn’t need the extra work involved in hosting everyone at my house.

This year the Great Hunter and I attended a candlelight Christmas service on Sunday at 9:00 in the morning with my police officer son’s family at the church he has been attending and today we’re joining our youngest and his wife for a Christmas Eve afternoon service at a brewery (yes, they will serve craft beer and you can bring your dog). This evening, Christmas Eve, I’ll probably be watching Virgin River to see Mel and Jack get married.

I guess it’s not fair to say the joy of Christmas is gone. It’s just changed from joy to, well, maybe, peace. I’m good with all the decisions I’ve made this year. I’ve given myself grace to say I need time to regroup. I hope this down year will give me the boost I need to enjoy the preparations next year. My dear baby brother is spending Christmas with Jesus this year (along with the rest of my family).

I see the countless Christmas Trees

Around the world below,

With tin lights, like heaven’s stars,

Reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,

Please wipe away that tear.

For I’m spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many songs, that people

hold so dear. But the sounds of

music can’t compare with the

Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you

the joy their voices bring.

For it is beyond description

to hear an angel sing.

I know how much you miss me.

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away;

We are really not apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I’m spending Christmas

With Jesus Christ this year.