The other morning I was sitting in my bed scrolling through Facebook. I’ve been feeling a little blue lately. Believe it or not, I think it started when the Great Hunter retired. I had my weeks structured around the days he was working and now, that structure has disappeared. I’m sure this is not a new phenomenon, but it’s the first time in my life I’ve encountered this.

I’ve written in the past how I felt I needed to be productive each day; fix something, clean something, make something, read something and most importantly, the one I probably forget the most…be thankful. I’ve really felt at loose ends, and I just started wondering what purpose does my life have? I didn’t need to work to pay the bills. My children no longer needed me to help them care for their children and actually no sewing projects that are immediate since I’ve finished my quilt for America’s 250^th anniversary to be displayed at our quilt show in November.

So, as I said, I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a post by a friend of mine who is also retired law enforcement. After a pretty devastating romantic breakup, she moved out of state to live and work with her son and his family, helping to take care of her grandchildren and their animals. Looking through her photos, I realized I was jealous. Her life had meaning. She was needed and she was an integral part of their family. Her life had purpose.

In the past, I’ve struggled with Atrial Fibrillation and Atrial Flutter, but I haven’t had an episode since I had my third ablation in March of 2024. I truly thought I was done, especially since my doctor said he had ablated everything and didn’t think there were any spots left for the errant signals to go to.

So Friday afternoon, while I was sitting in my recliner reading a book, I noticed my heart had started pounding. I’ve had little blips like this before, so I didn’t really think too much of it…until it didn’t go away. I started checking my Fitbit to see what my heart rate was. Darn It. It was in the 130s. And that’s where it stayed.

I made several unsuccessful attempts at the “vagal” maneuvers where you hold your nose and then bear down really hard in an attempt to stimulate the vagus nerve to slow the heart rate. I then tried what they call the “diving maneuver”, where you submerge your face in ice water for fifteen seconds (that was fun) but after several tries, it didn’t work either.  And isn’t it perfect Murphy’s Law, just last month, I cleaned out my medicine drawer and threw away all the heart medication I had hoarded, because, well, it was obvious I don’t need it any longer. I always hate telling the Great Hunter when I have an Afib episode because he worries so much, but after a couple hours of relentless high heart rate, I knew I had to tell him.

I decided that if it wasn’t gone by 5:30, I would have him take me to the emergency room at the hospital. Although an AFib episode is generally not considered a true “emergency” (unless you can’t breathe or are stumbling around), I did not want to revisit the experience of my last episode. During that episode, I waited several days before I called my electrophysiologist’s office. Much to my dismay, even though I told the receptionist I had a new onset of Atrial Fibrillation, I could not get an appointment to see the doctor for three weeks and it was another four days after that before I could get a cardioversion.

I had been keeping my daughter, the nurse, apprised as to what was going on, so when I told her the Great Hunter was going to take me to the hospital, she said, “Well, good luck with that, it’s Friday night.” I went prepared, taking my Kindle (and my charger) to read while I waited.

Much to my surprise, when we got to the hospital, the waiting room was empty and they took me right in. They ran an ECG and my heart rate was in the 140s. The reading was not Afib or A Flutter as I had suspected, but instead just “sinus tachycardia”. That meant my heart rhythm was normal; my heart was just beating very fast. Over the next couple of hours, I was given several doses of medication intravenously to slow my heart rate, but it didn’t help. Because a rapid heart rate is caused by something, they started doing other tests to try and diagnose what medical issue might be causing this. I had a chest X-ray, and I was taken back for a CAT scan. I have to say, this alarmed me a little.

As I was lying on the table waiting to be slid into the CAT scan machine, the thought suddenly struck me. I had been lamenting that I felt I had no longer had a purpose in my life. What if the purpose God has in store for me was to work at staying alive? Going from doctor to doctor and tests and treatments to combat some disease that was trying to take away my “purposeless” life? Suddenly, not having a distinct purpose in my life didn’t seem so bad after all. So I said a prayer and waited, and thankfully God blessed me and all my tests were negative.

A double dose of medicine at midnight finally made my heart rate return to normal, but now I was in Afib. At least with the lower rate, the Critical Care nurse didn’t come running each time I got out of bed to use the bathroom. I finally fell asleep around 2:30 a.m. and when I woke up at 4, I could immediately tell my heart was back in normal rhythm. It turned out that the ECG machine had incorrectly interpreted my initial rate as “sinus tachycardia” when, in fact, it was Atrial Flutter all along.

So now my purpose in life is just appreciating this “boring, purposeless life” and being thankful for the life I have.

(Today’s episode is an “extra edition”).