I couldn’t come up with a title for this week’s “Mondays with Morie”. My first thought was just strictly “anger”. But then I realize that this anger I feel isn’t a new feeling, it’s just been exacerbated by what is currently going on in our country.
I started the year 2020 still in a state of shock and grief over the death of my step-daughter and the anxiety I felt for my upcoming Radiofrequency Ablation. Both had been weighing heavy on my mind for almost two months. One because I couldn’t imagine why Kim would want to die and the other because I was afraid of dying. Not that this procedure was all that life-threatening. As I think I explained in a previous post, it was more about a control issue, not being able to know what was happening to me for such a long amount of time.
The ablation turned out to be a piece of cake and I had very little discomfort from it, but I did have a reoccurrence of Atrial Flutter twice afterward that resulted in having to have cardioversions for both. Luckily for me, the second one was done within four days of the Flutter beginning (heart rate consistently over 130) whereas, the first time, I was made to wait almost two weeks.
Then, of course, came the Coronavirus and all that entailed with losing most of our personal freedoms and abilities to live our lives much like we would like to.
During that time of the lockdown and sheltering at home and all the other “feel-good” stuff, my cat had a stroke and died. I wasn’t terribly close to the cat. He was always sort of aloof. He didn’t cuddle, at least not with me, but he would with my husband for short periods of time in the evening. He was just sort of a fixture in our home.
Shortly after Gizmo died, our Labrador developed an infection in her right front arm and after thousands of dollars and weeks of medical care, she seems to be on the mend. Thank goodness for that. There was a time I was very afraid she was going to die.
Then, my basement, which I have been battling I think since we moved in here, flooded again. Flooded isn’t really the right word, it’s more like leaked…a lot. We’ve had all kinds of work done in the basement to try and solve this problem, including having anchors placed in the walls to shore it up and flexi-seals on the cracks and regular polymer seals on other cracks. I finally decided to bite the bullet and have a sump pump installed in the basement to the tune of $1200. I understand that this is common now with most houses being built and the man who put ours in said since we were the lowest house in the neighborhood, he wasn’t surprised that we were having water issues. We had certainly hoped that the sump pump would fix the problem. I wasn’t hopeful as after it was installed, the man who put it in said that normally, as soon as they dig the hole for the sump pump, that hole begins to fill with water. This time it didn’t happen. So sure enough, about two weeks later, it rained again, and again I had the streams of water running through my basement. The fix we were trying to avoid was installing drain tiles along that wall in the basement, but it is the only way to go now. That’s another $2400. Ugh. Oh, and the tile on the floor, beneath the tile we laid 20 years ago, is asbestos tile. I got a bid from an abatement company for $500 to remove 30′ square feet of tile. So now we are faced with that cleanup and the installation of the drain tiles.
What could then be better? Some dumb-ass cop during an arrest decides to ignore a black man’s pleas that he couldn’t breathe and the man ends up dying. Ferganistan all over again. Looting, burning, stealing. What a perfect way to honor the memory of the dead man than a new pair of shoes or a new cell phone or a new television that you looted from a store.
So my anger has been boiling over and got the best of me this morning. The ladies’ exercise class I’ve been attending at my church for the last 6 or 7 years was once again going to meet at the church instead of the Zoom meetings we had been doing. I haven’t attended church since it started back because I believe the practices that they have put in place are unwarranted and unnecessary (just remember here before you go ballistic…it’s my belief…it doesn’t make it right or wrong). I had completely forgotten this so when I arrived at the church, there was a sign regarding entry into the preschool and in the driveway stood two women in full gowns, masks and gloves stopping each car and taking temperature and asking health screening questions. I told them I did not want to have my temperature taken and drove into the parking lot. I should have just driven right back out, but I did not and went inside the building, knowing full well that I would probably be asked to leave. One of the women again said she was going to take my temperature to which I responded that she was not medical personnel and I was not going to consent and if they wanted me to leave, I would. They did and I did.
I’m not sure of the best way to manage my anger. Unfortunately, my city is supposed to be a target for protestors today. One of the areas where the protest is supposed to take place is on our historic Main Street, the site of the First State Capitol of Missouri and home to quaint shops and restaurants. Since I believe this whole protest has gone from outrage at the criminal act of the Minneapolis officer to just one of fear and domination, I wouldn’t put it past the protesters (of course, who would then be criminal rioters) to burn down that street.
Oh yeah, and I almost forgot, plantar fasciitis in my left heel and a family member has been diagnosed with cancer.
So, it seems, I’m not managing my anger very well. Hoping for better times next week, but it still is 2020!