Mondays–V3E20–One Year

 

One year. It’s been one year. One year since my brother died. It still doesn’t seem real to me that I will never see him again, never hear his laugh, never see his smile. We had our annual end of the school year choir Sunday a week ago and one of the songs we sang is “Be Still and Know that I am God” by David Lantz. I cry really easily and this song made me emotional before, but it was doubly hard this year.

My brother and I sang together in the church choir for a number of years. He had a great tenor voice and we had a lot of fun together with the other choir members. We also sang together in the church’s Praise Team. I loved singing with Steve. It was special and wonderful and something I cherished. I convinced him once to sing a duet with me of our dad’s favorite song, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” We sang it in church and it was the only time we sang together, just the two of us.

At his memorial service, my younger brother wanted me to speak, but I told him I didn’t think I could do it; I would cry so much that no one could understand me. But when that evening came and after the others had spoken, I knew I couldn’t let this time go by without saying what was in my heart. I told about the time we sang together in church and how I’d always wanted to do it again but now we never would.  Funny thing was though, I  said we sang “The Old Rugged Cross” instead of our dad’s favorite “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”  On the way home after the service, it hit me that the song I said we sang was the wrong one. Then it also hit me that no one other than Steve would know this. Our older brother is gone and so is our mom. My younger brother was very young when dad died and doesn’t even remember him so he didn’t know. But I hated that I’d made that mistake. I can just imagine Steve up in heaven laughing and shaking his head at me.

In church on Sunday, and as it had been for several weeks while we were practicing “Be Still”, I was able to sing about one verse before my voice started cracking and the tears started running down my cheeks.

Be Still and Know That I am God
David Lantz III

Be still and know that I am God, the God of strength, the God of
truth; I am your refuge in your time of fear, and you will know that I
am near. Be still and know that I am God, the God who gave My only
Son to you; You will find hope in His great sacrifice. Your faith leads
to eternal life.
Though waters may roar and mountains may shake, and danger fills
your heart with deep despair, with faith and hope and love, you’ll find
Me through your prayers, and know that I am near. Be still and know
that I am God.
In times of pain, in times of war; In Me, find solitude and perfect
peace. Keep faith, My wonders never cease. Be still, and know that I
am God, the God of strength, the God of truth. With love, I speak the
heav’nly words you hear so you will know that I am near. Trust in Me,
for I am here. Be still and know that I am God.

Our choir director likes things “big”, or Fortissimo, the correct term. The louder and bigger the better for him. So in the last verse, when we started with “Be Still”, the pipe organ comes soaring in and the trumpet sounds, we are big. And we are fortissimo. And we are good. And I know that He heard us. And we weren’t still. Steve heard us too. His faith led to eternal life.

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